Pain does not exist in this dojo. We don’t know what Johnny Lawrence was talking about in Cobra Kai, but our arthritis doesn’t choose its flare-ups based on location. Pain does exist in any dojo when you’ve got osteoarthritis, Sensei.
And that’s even if we’re wearing this tasty Cobra Kai merch. Anyhoo, welcome to the Threadheads x Cobra Kai dojo, Customer-san. Maybe these delicious Cobra Kai t-shirts will be the panacea to your pain in the dojo.
Would you kill the strongest lion or the crippled monkey in your Cobra Kai t-shirt?
One of the most iconic quotes from the Karate Kid sequel is this controversial number:
Two cobras in the jungle. One kills the strongest lion, the other kills a crippled monkey. Which cobra do you want to be?
Why is it controversial? Well, who wants to harm animals? But, honestly, tell us, would you kill the strongest lion or the crippled monkey in a Cobra Kai shirt or a Cobra Kai hoodie?
We don’t know about you, but a survey at Threadheads HQ revealed that it would depend on the type of crippled monkey. If this crippled monkey were a King-Kong-sized silverback gorilla with a broken toenail, we’d probably be running towards Simba with a passion. But if the crippled monkey is just that capuchin monkey named Crystal from Night At The Museum in a teeny-tiny mobility scooter (with a basket, of course)—come at us, Crystal!
Whether you’re a lion-lasher or a monkey-masher, you could be doing all the karate you want in a Cobra Kai t-shirt. And, oh gosh, would you look resplendent in some Cobra Kai merch. For real, there’s an unmistakable message woven into the fabric of this sensitive quote. To show your true strength, young customer-san, you must defeat the most vigorous opponent you can find. But, of course, you don’t need to use karate to do so.
You could always just tickle them with a feather duster.
If you’re going to wear Cobra Kai merch, you have to be a badass Cobra
Cobra Kai is being badass. It doesn’t matter if you’re a loser, or a freak, or a nerd. All that matters is that you become a badass!
If you decide to buy this Cobra Kai merch, you must heed these wise words from Johnny Lawrence. He doesn’t care who you are, where you’re from or what you did, as long as you’re a badass in your Cobra Kai hoodie. (If you read that as if you were singing Backstreet Boys, that was totally intentional.)
So, please, wear your favourite Cobra Kai t-shirt in our collection, grow a hairy moustache, and stare pensively into the distance. It’s a surefire way to look like a badass.
But—all we ask is that you remember that being a badass doesn’t mean being an asshole. If you’re kicking over sandcastles and stealing your grandma’s hard candies, you’re probably just being an asshole—even if you’re wearing a Cobra Kai sweater.
Who needs Mr Miyagi, when you’ve got an older (and somewhat wiser) Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso?
If you were fortunate enough to be a youngster in 1984, you would’ve experienced the original Karate Kid in its full glory. And you’d be very familiar with Mr Miyagi’s incredible wisdom.
But did you know Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso drop wisdom bombs throughout the new Cobra Kai series? So, next time you throw on a Cobra Kai hoodie or a Cobra Kai sweater, think about a grey-haired Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso sensually massaging your shoulders and whispering these words into your ears.
- ‘If you’re not strong on the inside, you can’t be strong on the outside.’
- ‘It may not seem brave, but sometimes, avoiding conflict is one of the most heroic things you can do.’
- ‘You are the only one who can get up when you are down.’
- ‘It’s time to get out of bed and do something. You’re not a kid anymore, the world isn’t just gonna hand it to you. You want something, you’re going to have to crawl across the floor, use your damn teeth if you have to, You’ll have to do whatever it takes.’
- ‘When negative feelings overwhelm you, look for the good within yourself.’
- If you have hate in your heart, then you have already lost.’
- ‘You do the right thing cause it’s the right thing to do.’
- ‘You wake up one morning feeling great, and then life throws a spinning heel kick to your balls, and takes a big steaming shit in your mouth. ... Life shows no mercy; so neither do we. We do whatever it takes to keep our heads above water. We do whatever it takes to keep moving forward. We do whatever it takes to win! Remember who you are. You're badass.'
It’s about time you be a badass and scoop up our official collaboration with the most incredible sequel to The Karate Kid ever. Shop Cobra Kai t-shirts, hoodies, and more.
Forget about cool karate pyjamas. Cobra Kai quotes to make anyone laugh in your Cobra Kai shirts
Sure, it’s excellent to flex your karate muscles in your Cobra Kai merch. But it would be even better if you could whip out some hilarious quotes while you shadow kick your sister’s build-a-bear. Here are a few of the Redditors’ favourites.
- ‘Drink it. It’ll put hair on your balls.’
- ‘There’s no tapping in Karate!’
- ‘God, just looking at you makes me feel like a virgin.’
- ‘When you came into my dojo, you were softer than a baby's ass.’
- ‘Kicks get chicks.’
Other random nonsense about Cobra Kai that will totally make you want to buy Cobra Kai merch
Does anyone else want Ralph Macchio’s skincare routine?
Has anyone else noticed that Ralph Macchio—the bloke who played Daniel LaRusso—still looks like he’s 22. Heck—he probably looks younger than he did in 1984. And he’s actually 60! We all need to know this man’s secret. According to Macchio, it’s good genes. Pablo in our warehouse thinks it’s some form of alien placenta mixed with curd rice and chocolate sauce.
Can you do the cha-cha in your Cobra Kai sweater?
Why do we ask? Apparently, a large portion of the Cobra Kai actors are professional dancers. It makes sense. You’d have to be pretty nimble to bust out some of those karate moves. So, tell us, how well can you cha-cha in your Cobra Kai sweater?
How far would you go in your Cobra Kai merch?
William Zabka (Johnny Lawrence) is so committed to his role that he broke his toe kicking a wooden block while filming Cobra Kai. However, he was so determined that he ‘just yanked it out' and powered through. What a champ.
